I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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