i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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