I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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