I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
