I just threw up on my dentist
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
