She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If I die, sorry about rent.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
