i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think my moral compass just broke
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
