Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
