Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How does one acquire holy water?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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