hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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