So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
