I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
