Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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