so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
