Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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