There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
