White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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