She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
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He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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