First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
