She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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