My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Randomize
