My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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