i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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