Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
