Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
