he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
