she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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