I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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