you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
