I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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