im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
