I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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