eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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