I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
