I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
