Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
