the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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