You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
