Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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