Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
