You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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