I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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