community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
