i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
