dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
