perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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