Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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