I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
