Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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