My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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