it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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