Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
