We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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