hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
