Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
