Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
