There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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