I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
