how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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