it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
