1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize