Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
