You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize